in the early 90s, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. my parents decided that they wanted to have a kid in order to have a part of him live on, and create a legacy. i was then conceived. i am a cancer child.
now don’t get me wrong, i do not have cancer, nor am i more susceptible to getting it in my life because of any of this. but just imagine: you were born BECAUSE your father was dying. you were asked to make the ultimate sacrifice even before you took your first breath.. doesn’t seem very fair, does it? no. no it doesn’t. it didn’t feel too fair to the 6 year old me sitting in a funeral home listening to a very old, frail woman playing “stairway to heaven” on a piano that looked younger than she was. it also didn’t feel too fair to 17 year old me, receiving the acceptance letter to the college of my dreams, not being able to hear my daddy say he’s proud of me. it probably won’t seem fair to 25+ year old me, when at my wedding, i can’t have a father-daughter dance that signifies him passing me onto my husband. i wish i had a father to pass me on.
on january 23, 2001, me standing at a mere 6 years old, my father took his last breath. that was 11 years ago today. only 6 years with him, and a lifetime without. with that, i was taught that death is resolute. death changes everything and everyone. death looms, even after it strikes. i was 6, mind you, when i had to grow up. i was from then on, to make no mistakes that could alter my history forever. for at that moment in which the last beat of his heart resided, the will to live within me raged twice as strong. i was to carry on for him, succeed for him, create a legacy for him; that touched not only me, but the entire world. it was in that moment, that i decided this is all for him, a thousand times over.
and it pains me to talk about this, but i feel that the time has come for me to. because there are millions of reasons for you to be upset, or depressed, or feel like there is no point in living anymore. i know this, because i could have been there. i could have let my story consume me, i could have become the tragic hero that is defeated by the most daunting enemy she could have—herself.
but the truth is, you need to take whatever it is in life that has knocked you down, and let it pick you back up again. because what better way to prove that your life is important than to stand up in the face of your fears. be your own hero.
Posted 2 years ago at 08:21pm with 46 notes
Tagged as: #it gets better #igb #gmh #gives me hope #cancer #death
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